If you're an average Canadian, you may now be more than a little frustrated with our politicians. While there are some fine public servants out there, the recent weeks have not been the best for our elected officials. From aides who impersonate their political bosses on talkradio, to cabinet ministers ranting about non-existent cross-burnings to more of the same budget-fudging in Victoria, one might be tempted to lose one's Irish temper, even if one is not Irish.

Instead, to help all of us lower our blood pressure, the Canadian Taxpayers Federation recently honoured the "best of the worst" in public spending. In a black-tie news conference in Ottawa, we handed out the third annual "Teddy" Awards.

Named after former public servant Ted Weatherill who dined on the taxpayers tab for almost a decade, often extravagantly (i.e., a $730 dinner for two in Paris), here are this year's Teddy nominees and winners -

Federal Nominees

Best Collaboration on an R-Rated Film: Health Canada and HRDC for support of a youth conference held in Barrie in February that included a session on safe sado-masochistic sex.

Best Waste of Money in a Documentary: The Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council (SSHRC) for its $50,000 funding of a study of erotic entertainment in Vancouver from 1945 to 1980.

Best Check and Imbalance in Government Cheques: Public Works (PWGSC) for spending $680,000 for a new federal cheque design that included a one-time Y2K symbol.

Best Sound Effects in a Sequel (Pig Squealing): All but three current Canadian Alliance MPs elected in 1993 that opted backed into the MP pension plan.

Best Film Adaptation of a Keystone Cops Routine: Health Canada for continuing to fund the Sagkeeng First Nations Addiction Treatment Centre even after tips that 30 staff members took a Caribbean cruise at taxpayer expense.

And the Teddy goes to the majority of Canadian Alliance MPs from the class of 1993 for opting back into the MP pension plan quicker than an Olympic sprinter on steroids.

Provincial Nominees

Best Screenplay for Arrogance and a Total Disconnect with Taxpayers: The Ontario government for even daring to contemplate a 42.2% pay raise for MPPs last November.

Best Example of Future Cinematography: The City of Ottawa and the Ontario Arts Council jointly funded an $11,000, 10-week program to give union members better skills -- such as puppet and clown construction - to use on the picket line.

Best Use of Slots to Accumulate Frequent Flyer Points: According to the Provincial Auditor, SIGA (the Sask. Indian Gaming Authority) misspent over $1.7 million including unauthorized credit card and debit advances to its former CEO along with junkets worldwide for SIGA board members.

Most Creative Use of Food for Political Expression: The Quebec government gave $112,440 grant to a 9-day symposium of comic activists and pie terrorists last April.

Outstanding Special Effects in a Crash Scene: TransLink - the agency responsible for road and transit construction in greater Vancouver, tried to impose a $100 million, $75/vehicle tax, on motorists. CTF opposition to this scheme included an 18,000 signature petition - the province capitulated and eliminated the tax.

And the Teddy goes to SIGA, the group that brought a whole new meaning to winning a casino jackpot.

Lifetime Achievement

Former B.C. Finance Minister and later Premier, Glen Clark is this year's winner. He raised taxes by $1.5 billion and increased the debt by $6 billion while Finance Minister. He was also father to the Fast Ferry scandal.

The Teddies - it's a shame to be nominated, a disgrace to win.